The First Time That I Said: “I’m a Writer” Out Loud
My Journey to get to that metamorphic moment
“I’ve called you out here several times this week. I’m a writer and I need the internet to be able to do my job.”
The power of those words coming out of my mouth was positively transforming for me.
A month prior, I had quit my career in banking of 20 years to help care for my husband’s health. I knew careerwise, I would have to start over in my 40’s which was a little intimidating, but I was confident I could do it.
When I walked out of my office for the last time, I wasn’t worried about being successful because I was confident in all I had accomplished and gone through over the years.
As I left my office and walked to my car on my last day, I recalled telling myself to not forget the skillset and confidence I had in myself and my abilities.
I told myself that if I could handle all of the problems and projects that I faced, then surely I could handle working for myself.
A few months into my unemployment gig however, I could feel my self-confidence waning.
My mind needed to be challenged and stimulated, so I started a blog and learned how to build a website in Wordpress. I fell in love with that. In fact, I eventually built 2 additional websites and was certain that I wanted to do that for a living.
My husband steered me towards writing though.
He saw how I loved writing blog posts and suggested it would probably be an easier transition than learning to code and market myself amongst a younger, more tech-savvy generation.
(Love you Gen Y and Gen Z’s!)
I had always wanted to be a writer when I was younger, even winning a writing contest for a bank article.
I dove into watching videos and taking free courses, along with several Udemy classes. I started writing article after article — but didn’t pitch.
I just kept them in my Google docs and there they stayed.
Until one day, our internet went out.
And it started going out almost every day for several weeks. We had the cable company come out numerous times.
And then, something happened.
I told the tech that I was a writer and needed the internet to be able to do my job.
Saying those words out loud for the first time was shocking, and I swear I could hear them echoing around me as if I was in an empty amphitheatre.
It felt naked, unfamiliar-but spectacular!
It was liberating-like I was finally agreeing with myself on the career path I had been lingering upon.
And even though I hadn’t been published on someone else’s site (only ghostwriting)-I still wrote and also still published blog posts — so technically I was a writer in a sense.
I got this solid feeling in my gut and made it a point to feel that feeling.
I didn’t ignore it.
After the tech guy left, I told my husband how good it felt to say I was a writer. He smiled and said that I was a writer.
An even better feeling!
Up to that point, all I heard from my circle was that I would end up on the street and that online writing wasn’t a real job. They couldn’t believe I left a solid, tenured career for something that may or may not happen.
And believe me, their negative input was really starting to eat away at my optimism, motivation and confidence.
I could understand my parents feeling that way, because to their generation (Baby Boomers), the way to succeed was to go to college, get a degree, and then have a corporate job.
Making a living or having an online job wasn’t in existence for them or for me when I was growing up, or even when I was in high school.
That type of thinking was passed down to my generation-Gen X.
So, that is exactly what I did, and I was miserable.
I became my job.
I lost myself.
I measured my worth and my life through my career.
Even worse, I placed my career before everyone and everything.
While my husband’s health was steadily deteriorating, I would continue working long hours and even go in on weekends to get more work done. I would run home at lunch to check on him to make sure he was ok-but I began feeling like I was treating him like a pet by doing that- and I felt utterly disgusting.
As the signs kept surfacing that he needed more support and attention, I began planning for my career change. We put almost all of each paycheck into savings so that we had over 2 years of an emergency fund to live on while I got my career up and running.
That step was terrifying for us.
We went from having a solid salary, generous 401k match contributions, and excellent health insurance, to crappy Obamacare coverage(seriously-the options are horrible compared to what I had when working for a company), no 401k match contributions, and no new income.
As I dove deeper into my writing journey, I found that no one seemed to understand or agree with the choice I had made.
That was (and still is)a very lonely and scary feeling.
I went from having an assistant and a great team to discuss work decisions with, to being on my own as a beginner in a field I knew absolutely nothing about.
The actual act of writing was not the scary part. It was being an entrepreneur; as by nature, I am a passive introvert.
And now, here I am writing another Medium article and publishing it, even though I know I’m not ready.
But- I did it anyway!
I just had to rip off the bandaid and do it- just like when I published my first blog post. I don’t even think twice about doing that any more after doing it for over a year.
I’ve sent pitches and even received a prompt response to my first one, which was very encouraging. Unfortunately, they ghosted me shortly thereafter but I haven’t let that discourage me.
I know that is bound to happen and I keep pitching on.
My expectations are purely positive going forward. I know I still have a long way to go, but I trust that progress is a process, and I love a challenge!
